Title: Drink (Tequila) And Be Merry
Authors:  Tissa
E-mail: scully@xemplary.com
Rating: PG-13 (I used the F word)
Category: SR
Archive: Gossamer, Xemplary, Spookys - yes. Others please ask first.
Keyword: MSR, Drunk!Scully, post-Movie
Spoilers: The Movie 
Summary: Scully gets drunk. Plays confessional with the bartender.
Mulder shows up.

***

Disclaimer: If they were mine I'd sure have the money to buy a new
computer.

***

Notes: 

1. I've always thought Glenne Headly was a great actress, and her
barmaid role in the XF movie was short but essential. So here I am,
bringing her back to play with Moose & a very wasted Squirrel :) 

2. I'm a big Dave Matthews fan. And this fic was written while 
listening to his wonderful "Live at Luther College" album. So you can 
pretty much blame the fluff on Dave. I know I do. :P

3. I'm not sure if this is a flick-fic or not. I'm opened to
suggestions :)

4. Me brazilian. Portuguese speaker. Keep writing in English only
God knows why. :P


***

Dedication: This fic was my Christmas present to my dear friend
Jessica, who always wanted me to write a Drunk!Scully fic. Oh well,
here it is! :)

***

Many thanks to Alcott, Pendrell & Fabi for the Beta-Express. Very 
special thanks to Amy for the great editing job :)

***

Feedback: Will be the best gift I can get on my first Vacation
day :)

***

CASEY'S BAR 
SOUTHEAST WASHINGTON, DC
September 6, 1998
11:21 pm

She's been here for less than an hour and she's already finished at
least four shots of tequila. By the second one she started talking.  

"He tried to kiss me in his hallway. After I've waited for six
*entire* years." She shows me six fingers and then she looks at her
hands before continuing. "Anyway, 2 milliseconds before we *finally*
kiss, a bee stung me."

"A bee?," I cannot believe this.

"Yeah. A fucking *bee*." She repeats.

I am starting to get curious. And since the bar is almost empty, I
ask her what happened next.

Despite the tequila - which I know from experience has the uncanny
power to loose anyone's tongue - she thought for awhile before she
answered me.

"Oh well... Suffice to say we didn't kiss, and I... I had some sort
of reaction to the bee sting, which caused a turmoil I'm sure you
don't wanna know about. And the next thing I know I'm frozen like a
popsicle in Antarctica."

Okay, so I don't get most of what she's talking about, but it seems
that she's pissed at some guy who tried to kiss her. I go for that
route.  

"So you wanted him to kiss you." She nods.

"And did he ever try to kiss you again?"

She looks at me as if I'm the most stupid person on the face of the
earth.

"*Of course* not. Why would he? I already told him I'm staying, he
has no motive whatsoever anymore."  

All right, I'm lost again.

"You are staying? Where?"

"With him."

"How come you're with him if he hasn't even kissed you?"

"No, no, no, you're getting it all wrong." Oh I sure am, no doubt
about it. But it seems like she's going to enlighten me.

She sighs in frustration and continues, "I work with him. I told him
I was leaving, he tried to kiss me." She gulps down another shot.
"Then I told him I was staying. He forgot all about kissing." She is
pouting like a child when she goes for what, according to my
counting, is her fifth straight tequila shot. "And now this."  

"This what?" After five years of bartending it's still a mystery to
me why drunk people always assume the bartender has full knowledge
of what's going on in everybody's lives. I give her a questioning
glance and then it's all in the open.

"What happened is that my partner has run off
some-God-only-knows-where to chase some just-fell-from-the-sky UFO
full of little *gray* men and what do *I* get? A note. A stinking
Post-it glued to my computer monitor saying that he would call me
when he got there. Where? Oh, the bastard didn't bother giving out
that little detail."

Something in her speech makes me flinch. I have the distinct
impression that I have heard this before.

"So, what do you do?" I inquire.

"FBI." She takes her badge out of her pocket and shows it to me.
"Yes, that's me, Scully, FBI. And on my free time, I baby-sit that
poor bastard excuse of a partner I have." 

"Why don't you call him, maybe something happened and-"

She interrupts me.

"And you think I haven't tried? The prick has turned his phone off.
But he'll see when he gets back. I'm not tolerating this anymore, oh
he'll see. I'm gonna kick his ass!"

I take one look at her and see she's deadly serious. This partner of
hers is going to suffer big time. But being the mushiest bartender
in town that I am, I try to make amends.

"Look- What's your name again?"

"Scully. No, actually the name is Dana."

"Okay. Look, Dana, don't try to reach any conclusions right now,
don't try to make decisions over tequila. Wait a little more, maybe
he'll call."

She stares at me blankly and then turns her gaze to her cell phone,
as if she was urging it to ring.

Amazingly, it does.

She picks it up.

"Mulder, is that you?" She asks nervously, and then she sighs in
relief. Yes, I can see that's it's definitely him. I can't hear what
he's saying, but it appears that the buzz finally kicked in - it
happens sometimes, you only feel drunk when the worry is over - 
it's clear that she is not paying attention to a single word of
whatever he's saying. I'm not surprised when she shakes her head
lazily and smiles.  

"Yeah, I'm here, Mulder. Where did you say you were again?" Her
words are slurred and she is giggling over something he is saying
now.

"I'm great, Mulder! I'm just hanging around with my friend here-"
she looks at me and asks my name. I tell her, "Lucy". She goes back
to talking to Mulder, "-my friend Lucy. She's a hell of a bartender
Mulder, you should see her, the tequila just keeps coming and
coming!"

She listens some more and then she asks me what's the bar's address.
I tell her, and she repeats it to him, with some difficulty in
getting the number right. Then she listens a while more and hangs up
the phone.

"He's picking me up." She smiles broadly now.

"I told you he would call, didn't I?" I can't help but smile back at
her.

She asks me for another shot.

"Oh, no, no, Dana. You are finished for tonight."

"But-"

"No buts. Now just sit and wait for him to get here."

She just smiles again. "I'm still gonna kick his ass!"


***


Not twenty minutes has passed when he arrives.

Realization hits me. 

Oh.

Of course. It's Spooky. The tall and lanky and helluva sexy
conspiracy theorist from last week. Why am I not surprised?

Since the bar is almost empty, I see him the minute he arrives at
the door. He sees her before she sees him, and it's clear he's
struggling not to run to her. To say he looks mad may be the
understandment of the century.  

When he arrives by her side, he just grabs her arm and then speaks
through gritted teeth, "Come on, Scully, I'm taking you home."

She's so drunk she almost falls from her seat. He has to steady her
against him, gripping her tightly. She's a rag doll in his hands.

She completely forgets her intent to kick his ass.

"Hi Mulder," she says merrily, "we were just talking about you." She
looks at me, and for the first time he realizes I'm here. I nod and
greet him, "Hi Spooky."

He winces, and Dana bursts into a fit of giggles. She looks at him
and, batting her eyelashes, she greets him again.

"Hi Spooky. How was your UFO ride? Miss me much?"

He chooses to ignore her questions. Instead, he asks me for the
bill. Dana somehow untangles herself from him and sits again. 

"Scully, get up. Come on, let's go." He's getting angry at her.

Dana pouts. "I'm staying Mulder, and so are you." 

"No we're not. You're drunk, Scully."

"I'm not drunk!" Of course not, Dana, how could he even *say* that?

"Yes you are. Get up, Scully. I'm getting you out of here."

She's not moving, and he grabs her arm again. I have to interfere. 

"Hey, Spooky." He looks at me as if I'm a bug that needs to be
exterminated. I smile lightly and continue, "Sit down for a second.
Dana is in no shape to walk. Sit with her until some of the buzz
clears off."

While I speak Dana is nodding at my words. He looks back at her.

She points to another seat right next to hers and looks directly at
him. It's amazing. He only nods and sits where she told him to. They
are facing each other, and I suddenly get the feeling that I can do
anything I want here and they won't see me. Dana starts to 
talk to him, her words slurred.  

"Now, Mulder, we're not leaving. I'm buying you a drink, okay?"

"Scully, I don't want a drink."

"Of course you do, Mulder. Come on, just one. Please?"

Finally he accepts her offer. Dana turns her head to me and orders
two more shots of tequila. I bring the drinks to them and start
putting glasses in the sink and bottles back on the shelves. I'm
still within earshot though. I have to stay tuned for the rest of
the show. It's not like they are paying attention to me anyway.  

Mulder finishes his shot in one gulp and she applauds. He smiles
shyly. She takes her drink and gulps it down too. For the first time
since he got here he looks like maybe he is having fun. She puts her
glass back in the counter and stares at him, arching an 
inquiring eyebrow. He winks at her.

"The Russian judge gives you a 10."  

She giggles again. He looks amazed, as if he has never seen her do
that before.

She leans forward, towards him, and gets this serious look in her
face, which would be okay if she wasn't so wasted. I'm trying hard
not to burst out laughing, she can't possibly think she can look
serious after half a bottle of tequila.

Mulder is serious too, but he really is serious. His eyes show lots
of concern for Dana. And I can see he is trying very hard to
understand what's going on with his partner.

Dana lifts her right hand and places a finger on his nose. Mulder
actually jumps, but surprisingly her finger stays in place. She
starts to rub the tip of her finger up and down his nose, and then
she whispers, "I like your nose." 

I'm about to call the paramedics.  Mulder looks like he's gonna have
a seizure. But then, Dana removes her finger from his face, runs
both her hands over her hair and stands up.

"Oh God, I gotta go to the ladies' room."

Then she gets up and leave. Her steps are precarious, but she makes
her way through the bar. I'm tempted to tell Mulder to close his
mouth, but I keep it to myself. She has crossed the room and he is
staring as if she still sat by his side.

Some time passes, and he finally appears to get a grip on himself.
He turns on his seat, facing me.

"Lucy, right?" I nod.

"She's not usually like this." Oh really, Sherlock? I'm too polite
to say that out loud. Instead, the little devil inside my head
decides to come out and play.

"You know why she is here wasting herself in tequila?"

"She was pissed. At me."

"Yeah, but you have any idea why?"

"I took off without her earlier today. I guess she didn't like my
note." How can this guy be so dense?

"She's pissed at you because you haven't tried to kiss her again." 

Mulder stares at me in shock. Somehow I think I'm in some sort of
trouble right now. Several times he opens his mouth to say
something, but nothing comes out. Luckily for me, Dana has the
perfect timing, and she comes back before he can say anything.

Before she sits back though, Mulder gets up and grabs her gently by
the shoulders. He's got his predatory look in his eyes and it's
directed at Dana. She looks up at him, her gaze still of a drunk
woman. "Mulder?"

"Promise me you're gonna remember this in the morning." 

He doesn't let her answer, he just leans down and thoroughly kisses
her, deeply and hard. I clasp my hands over my mouth, in shock with
the sudden realization that I'm actually witnessing a first kiss
between them. I feel happy for them though. Call me a sap. 

When they come out for a breath, she whispers, "I promise."

And then they are all over each other again. This time I turn away
and pretend that I have to wash the dishes in the sink.

***

For some time now they have been dancing together by the jukebox.
It's past two am when they finally part and return to the bar.

Mulder takes out some bills and put them on the counter. I can see
there's a pretty large tip in there. I smile at him and he smiles
back. Dana is oblivious to it all, her face resting against his
chest, her eyes closed, a smile on her lips.

He turns them both around, and I watch them walking away. Halfway
through the crowd though, they stop, turn back around and Dana waves
at me.

"Thanks, Lucy."

Anytime, Dana, anytime.


The End.
flames, cake recipes and naked DD pictures to scully@xemplary.com